10th
Passion or Stability
Dear Metal Gods,
I have been in a serious relationship for 5 years. it kinda started out with not the best chemistry, but everything else was great. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship so I thought that I just wasn’t into sex at that time or something and decided to be with this guy and hope that the future would bring us closer together physically.
I really love him very much, but there is no passion in our relationship. I have come to the point where all I think about is if I should stay with him where I am loved, and I will be safe, and have a good life with not a lot of sex, and not a lot of passion because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him. Or do I leave him and to find the passion I am looking for? Older people tell me that the passion eventually leaves, and a friendship is what remains.
Also, my man has a very hard time letting me go, I have tried breaking up and as weird as it sounds it doesn’t work. It probably doesn’t work because I am not fully into breaking up with him. I hate the thought of losing him, but I also hate the thought of secretly not being happy, or wanting to fuck every guy I meet. So do I figure out a way to make this work, or do I go? Help me metal gods. I don’t know that I will ever in my life find such a good man, and I tend to be attracted to losers. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Passion or Stability?
Dear Passion or Stability?,
Ahhh, the eternal struggle between love and lust once again acts out its sorted play upon the stage of humanity. Throughout the ages mortals have turned to the Metal Gods with the hope that we will give them the secret to bring peace between these warring brothers. But it is not that simple and we must confess it is not a problem that we have ever experienced, you see we Metal Gods have a much more… shall we say “evolved” attitude toward commitment and relationships. We have women that we love and women that we just lust after; the former remind us of our mothers, and the later are mostly strippers.
But alas we are not here to judge, it seems we are here to help you with your puritanical little messes.
So here it is. There is only one course of action to take. You must split up for four months and abide by the following rules:
#1 -There shall be no communication between the two of you of any sort during this time!
No calling, emailing, texting, Im’ing, twittering, facebooking, sending messages through friends, NO direct or indirect communication of any kind, for any reason.
#2 - You shall sow your wild oats.
Sleep with whatever guys you want, get drunk and make out with one of your girlfriends, be the sex goddess you want to be.
#3 - He shall remain completely abstinent during this break.
No sexual contact with anyone at all for the full four months.
This will accomplish three things:
#1 - By being completely cut off from each other you will learn if you really love and need each other or it’s just a relationship of convenience.
#2 - By exercising your lust you will find out if there is indeed a lack of chemistry between you two or if you are just using him as an excuse for your own lack of sexual desire and competence.
#3 - If at the end four months of no sexual contact he’s not ripping off your clothes he’s either gay or needs to see a medical doctor immediately.
Remember in the words of the Metal Gods Van Halen from the song “Everybody Wants Some”:
“You can’t get romantic on a subway line, conductor don’t like it, says you’re wastin’ your time”
WWMGD
