8th
Sex Kitty
Dear Metal Gods,
When do I tell my boyfriend I’m super in love with him for the first time without sounding like a complete cheeseball?
Sincerely,
Sex Kitty
Dear Sex Kitty,
To discover when the best time to tell your boyfriend you love him is, you must first answer this question: when would you like him to tell you? Would it be at a romantic dinner? Or while watching a beautiful sunset? Or would it be as you are laying there safe in his arms basking in the inxoticating after-glow of the physical expression of your love? Ah, the last one you say? We thought so…… who wouldn’t you ask?
He wouldn’t!
The Metal Gods are here to inform you that all of the above mentioned situations (espically the last one) are TERRIBLE times for you to tell your boyfriend you’re “super in love with him” for the first time. An absolutely terrible idea! Quite possibly your worst idea in a long string of terrible ideas!
You see, when it comes to the relations between the sexes you need to do the opposite of what you would want done. You need to think about when HE would want to be told that you love him, NOT when YOU would want to be told!
So when would he want to hear it? Easily asnwered. What does your boyfriend like the most? SEX. No, no, no, not long walks on the beach or visting your parents for yet another awkward dinner at three in the afternoon on Sunday, no, no, just stop it. He likes SEX the best, but NEVER NEVER NEVER tell him for the first time AFTER you have sex with him! You must tell him just as you’re about to give him SEX, for right there is your golden moment of opportunity. In that instant he will be delighted to hear anything out of your mouth that doesn’t include the words “no”, “stop” or “STD”.
In the words of The Metal Gods Ratt from the song “The Morning After”:
“Lift your skirt lady, high in the night. I’m just what you need, Won’t you give it a try?”
WWMGD
www.timeflieswhenyoureinacoma.com
