21st
Injured Genius
Dear Metal God,
I burnt my hands this morning with a hot cup of tea.
This is a huge problem because now I cannot practice my arpeggios and it hurts to press down on my guitar neck even though it’s scalloped. Can you send your healing powers to my injured hands? My Charvel misses me.
Also, since you are in heaven could you ask Randy Rhoads why he got into that plane with a guy who didn’t know how to fly it??
Sincerely,
Injured Genius
Dear Injured “Genius”,
How dare you insult the Metal Gods!!! Claiming we would reside in such a horrid place as heaven! White robes? Trumpets? Pearly Gates? Does any of that sound even remotely “Metal” to you?
Arpeggios? Scalloped Neck? Charvel? The Metal Gods call you a LIAR.
We have concluded that you must have burnt your hand with a warm glass of milk while salivating over your collection of Menudo posters. You disgust us. For now your fate has been sealed my friend.
In the words of the mighty Slayer from their song “The Final Command,” and by decree of the Metal Gods: “Cursed are the souls who defy his will. All of which are tortured and ruthlessly killed.”
What Would A Metal God Do?
